The end of a marriage can feel almost apocalyptic. Life becomes fractured. It seems as if nothing has a place, and you are not even sure which way to turn or where to begin. When children are involved, things can be especially stressful. Shielding them from pain while trying to hold yourself together becomes almost to much to bare at times. However, there is good news. There are ways to survive the turmoil, and come out on the other side healthy and ready to start rebuilding. Here are some helpful tips.
First, know that you do not have to do it alone. Lean on family members, friends, and even your divorce attorney. An attorney may easily become one of your best friends throughout the process. It feels good to know that someone is unequivocally on your side and can offer expert guidance when you have no idea what to do. Sometimes, having someone to take you by the hand and lead you through step-by-step is the best thing that can ever happen. As far as friends and family, let them help! There is no shame in having someone clean your house or cook a meal when life just gets to be too much.
Second, allow yourself to feel and process all of the emotions involved in marriage dissolution. Grief, anger, pity… go ahead and get them all out. However, try to keep the environment and routines as normal as possible for your children. The more consistent the routine, the easier they will make the transition with you. It is also good to let them see you taking care of yourself by continuing to eat right and exercise. Not only is it healthy for you, but it will encourage them to do the same.
Most importantly, try to remain calm and civil. Becoming a hot headed, emotional mess is not going to help anyone throughout the divorce process. The more reasonable and cordial all parties can be, the quicker everyone can move forward and pick up the pieces.
