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What do children of divorce want their parents to stop doing?

When a child's parents divorce, it is an incredibly stressful situation in the child's life, just as it is in his or her parents' lives. Not all divorces are amicable and even those that are can find ex-spouses unintentionally hurting their children. Here is a list of things children do not want their parents to do after they are divorced.

-- Children should not be used as messengers. Parents, if you have something to say to the other parent, it is best to tell them yourself. This helps avoid any communication errors and your kids aren't ready for adult conversations yet, anyway.

-- Children do not want to be used as a spy. This can make a child very uncomfortable and it can violate the trust between the other parent and the child.

-- Children don't want to know about the money. While child support can be an important topic between divorced parents, the children do not need to hear about the arrangements that were made. If you have questions, put it in an email or pick up the phone.

-- Children don't to hear their parents putting each other down. It wasn't right or acceptable when you were married and it's not okay after you divorce. Children love their parents and they don't want to hear insulting things about either one of them.

-- Children don't want to see new love interests. Children think public displays of affection are generally gross, anyway. Avoid this type of behavior in front of your children, who may secretly be hoping for a reunion between mom and dad.

Child custody situations can become heated and it doesn't just happen in court during a divorce. After a divorce, it may be tempting to do any of the above, but it's better to put the feelings of your children first. If you need to revisit the issue of child custody, your divorce attorney can help.

Source: Huffington Post, "10 Things Kids Of Divorce Do Not Want Parents To Do," Marni Feuerman, Aug. 10, 2016

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Commandments of Family Law

  1. The only truth your children need to know is that you both love them unconditionally, and that this isn't their fault.
  2. Take the high road — everyone wins when you do what's best for your kids.
  3. Negotiate but don't capitulate — if you are being pushed toward something detrimental for your children, stand your ground.
  4. You can only control yourself and how you respond. Don't engage.
  5. Do set up rules and responsibilities. Kids feel better when routine is continued.
  6. You are still their parent — don't be afraid to be one.
  7. Disneyland is in California, not in your home. Don't set up unreasonable expectations.
  8. It is not their job to take care of you. Repeat that to them. Often.
  9. Yelling is for sports — not court. Good lawyers strongly advocate without being disrespectful to opposing parties.
  10. Fair is a place you go to get cheese curds. Aside from that, nothing in life is fair.

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