For many people, divorcing a narcissist can feel like a big win because they finally get out of a dysfunctional relationship. However, people should be wary and know that the fight may not be over until the divorce is finalized. The challenges may continue during divorce because many narcissists are inclined to use manipulation to continue controlling their partner even after the marriage fails.
Spouses who are divorcing partners with narcissistic tendencies should understand what pitfalls to avoid during divorce. Staying informed may help safeguard their mental health, financial stability and future.
Underestimating their manipulative nature
Narcissists excel at manipulation, and this trait doesn’t disappear during a divorce. They may attempt to charm mediators and judges while portraying their partner as unreasonable or unstable. One common tactic is gaslighting—making their partner doubt their reality and actions to gain the upper hand.
It is important for people divorcing narcissists to document everything and keep detailed records of communication, financial transactions and incidents that demonstrate the narcissist’s manipulative behavior.
Spouses divorcing narcissists should limit communication to written forms like email or text messages. This way, they can have tangible evidence they can present in court to counter the narcissist’s false accounts. Spouses should also consider working with a therapist or counselor to help maintain clarity and confidence.
Engaging in emotional battles
Narcissists thrive on drama and emotional reactions and may provoke their partner to intentionally derail the divorce process. A narcissist may also use provocation to get their partner to act out of character and so they can maintain control over the situation. Reacting to a narcissist’s provocation emotionally can play into their hands, giving the narcissist the ammunition to paint their partner as irrational.
While it can be challenging, spouses should try to stay calm and composed, no matter how provocative their narcissistic partner becomes. With therapy and counseling, spouses can learn to practice detachment and focus on the bigger picture.
Failing to secure financial interests
Narcissists are notorious for financial manipulation. Out of spite for their spouse, they may hide assets, rack up joint debt or refuse to pay spousal or child support.
Ignoring the possibility of foul play can leave a spouse financially vulnerable post-divorce. Spouses divorcing narcissists should familiarize themselves with their financial situation and avoid signing any agreements they don’t understand.
Divorcing a narcissist is rarely straightforward, but by avoiding common pitfalls, spouses may protect themselves and emerge stronger on the other side. Spouses may also benefit from enlisting compassionate legal support throughout the divorce process.
