TV dramas would be boring if all the divorcing characters worked together to end their marriage. Yet, when it comes to real life, boring is better. You can do without the intrigue, suspicion and expensive court cases so often shown on the screen.
Collaborating rather than litigating to end your marriage has several significant advantages. One is that it is quicker. You do not need to rush your divorce through, but you do not want to drag it out either. By looking for a solution that will work for both of you, rather than battling to defend your respective, often contrary positions, you save time, and therefore money in legal fees.
Working together toward a common goal requires you to soften your stance
Proving the other person is wrong, is at fault or deserves less is part of litigation. Most people do not like being told they are a terrible parent or a lousy spouse, and it hurts to hear someone you once loved say that. That hurt can take a long time to heal as well as provoking an equal or worse reaction. When you set out to collaborate, you leave the blaming and insults behind, thus harm each other less.
Mediation brings in a third party to help you agree
Mediators are a sort of coach who coaxes you and your spouse to find common ground and solutions to the sticking points that could lead to litigation. They do not tell you what to do or how to settle things. Instead, their job is to keep you both focused on the end goal and pull you back when you get distracted. Using mediation to settle your divorce is an alternative if you do not think you can collaborate easily.
If you don’t want to end up in a fierce legal battle during your divorce, it may be time to give the alternatives a try.
