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The truth about divorcing while you are young

Just as every marriage is unique, so is every divorce unique. While one couple may find the divorce process to be relatively straightforward, another may find their particular process to be stressful and complex. It is therefore important to approach your personal divorce process without too many expectations regarding how it will progress.

This may be especially true if you are divorcing while in your 20s or 30s. Divorces that occur later in life tend to be complex when the couple has been married for some time and straightforward when they have not. But young marriages can inspire complex divorces even if the couple has been together for a short while.

Divorcing when kids are in the picture

As you may have already learned, the subject of divorce tends to result in a great deal of unsolicited advice from loved ones, colleagues and even strangers. But because your divorce process will be unique, it is generally a good idea to seek guidance from reputable sources and take all other advice with a grain of salt.

This is a particularly advisable path when young children are going to be affected by your divorce. Even if you have only been married a short while, the process of protecting their interests during your divorce can be complex and nuanced. Feeling that you must respond to a host of different individuals bearing advice may muddle your progress.

Divorcing when kids are not in the picture

As a general rule, your divorce is less likely to be complex if you are young, have no children and do not have substantial marital property that must be divided. But again, it is a good idea to tune out most unsolicited advice as it may make your divorce process more stressful than it would otherwise be. 

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Commandments of Family Law

  1. The only truth your children need to know is that you both love them unconditionally, and that this isn't their fault.
  2. Take the high road — everyone wins when you do what's best for your kids.
  3. Negotiate but don't capitulate — if you are being pushed toward something detrimental for your children, stand your ground.
  4. You can only control yourself and how you respond. Don't engage.
  5. Do set up rules and responsibilities. Kids feel better when routine is continued.
  6. You are still their parent — don't be afraid to be one.
  7. Disneyland is in California, not in your home. Don't set up unreasonable expectations.
  8. It is not their job to take care of you. Repeat that to them. Often.
  9. Yelling is for sports — not court. Good lawyers strongly advocate without being disrespectful to opposing parties.
  10. Fair is a place you go to get cheese curds. Aside from that, nothing in life is fair.

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